Partner - An honest review

Not being able to get a good night's sleep is a disaster waiting to happen. You can almost feel the deathly grip of boredom descend as one gets bored of surfing and hoping to catch something watchable on cable. After all how many 'Call me nows' from the psychic Cleo and Home Shopping Network ads attempting to pawn off stuff that retail stores were too smart to shelve can you watch? So after watching a couple sparing not flora nor fauna in an attempt to sell a micro blender, I figured I would chance watching a movie online.

Felt like having a bit of a laugh and was thrilled to see that Govinda and David Dhawan had teamed up recently to make Partner. After all I love Govinda's comedies. They are just plain zany... he has such good comic timing that even the stupidest thing he did would have me rolling on the floor. The songs were peppy in this movie as well.. not the kind that you would want to hear when you are looking for some melody ... but good timepass songs.

So I start the movie up, and forward the credits ... and lie back to enjoy the movie. Turned up the A/C and wrapped myself up tight in my quilt.... Little did I know what I was in for! Unfortunately my quilt had become a strait-jacket from which I could not hope to escape from.

It seems that of late hindi filmmakers have pretty much given up on using original stories written by Indian writers. I suppose the writers guild has become kutti with the film guild ... or perhaps with the public in general. Hindi filmmakers have realized that they have to do nothing more than blantantly get "inspired" by foreign cinema. They don't really have to do much. They pretty much copy ever scene from the other movie, mix in a few unnecessary song sequences, and introduce plot changing twists such as making one hero short instead of tall and the other moderately obese instead of obese.

The two heros in the movie are the muscled ape Salman Khan who for some reason bags every comedy in sight despite him being as funny as watching someone shoot themselves, and Govinda who looks like he has eaten everything in sight for the past two years. Movie reviews that I read later claim the movie is genuinely funny as long as you happen to leave your brain outside the door. I say that the only way you find this movie funny is if you trick someone else into watching the movie, make sure their eyes are open using toothpicks and handcuffing them to a seat so the only way they can escape is to chew through their arms (which could happen).

Salman Khan plays the role of will Smith as a Love Guru... only this love guru (judging by his facial expressions) looks like he has a few pine cones shoved up his ass. A bloated Govinda plays the adorable Kevin James who is desperately in love with a woman way out of his league. Unfortunately he whines so much that he is about as lovable as a nice prickly cactus. In real life even his dog would reject him. Katrina Kaif plays the unattainable socialite and is so plastic, that one may be forgiven for wondering how they managed to produce a life size Barbie doll . Lara Dutta who attempts to play Eva Mendes is just plain terrible. She has a son who is probably the only real actor in the real movie. The only comedy worth watching in the entire movie was provided by the genuinely funny Rajpal Yadav who spoofs SRK as Chotta Don. Unfortunately Chotta Don does not get much screen time.

Well long story short throughout the movie Salman goes through the painful process of trying to rid himself of the cones grimacing and flexing and going topless ... while trying to romance Lara Dutta. Govinda whines like a supporter of the BCCI cricket team throughout the movie as he tries to get Katrina to fall for him whilst everyone else in the movie (other than Rajpal Yadav) could have been replaced with cardboard cutouts.

As the movie progressed, I thanked god that I was wrapped tightly in my quilt for god forbid had my arms been free I may have busted my computer monitor. At the end of the movie I realized that I had started to cry... unbridled tears of happiness and sadness knowing that I had just wasted 2.5 hrs of my life that could have been better spent whacking myself on the head.