Ramblings

I realized something this weekend as I lay prostrate on my couch watching the World's Funniest TV Commercials. I've changed a lot. Especially over the past couple of months. There used to be a time when a weekend like this would have been one that I would have looked forward to with great enthutiasm. I mean there's a brand new James Bond movie releasing today (with fantastic reviews); I have my supply of tennis for the weekend; I will be meeting my sister after 8 long months for thanksgiving in a few days.... but somehow the joy of these things seems so mundane - which is probably why I was lying prostrate on my couch watching the World's Funniest TV Commercials.

I mean on a normal day even this would have been something that was worth talking about. I mean come on... some of these commercials were awesome! There were the exquisitely funny and inventive ads, the gross but hilarious commercials, the cute and cuddly spots.... stuff that you would laugh to and go to sleep feeling all better.

However I've discovered that there is no hope for me now. For some reason unless I get to talk to this girl who lives in Bangalore, life seems bereft of any enjoyment. I find it vaguely amusing that someone whose cellphone bills rarely exceeded 10 dollars worth of actual talk time a month can actually spend more than a 150 in a few weeks.

It's not that I don't have things to do. I am busier than ever nowadays! I play tennis almost every day for a couple of hours, I am very busy at work, I have a couple of certification exams to study for (which I haven't started btw), in addition to the usual chores I have to do around the house and in my life. ... and yet I find myself moping around feeling maudlin and lonely - something that I have never felt in my life before. Sure I've had the bouts of homesickness and the occasional "noone loves me" phases, but I've been able to shake them with nothing more serious than a delicious homemade banana milk shake or a super workout at the gym.

Maybe it's coz every moment that I spend without this girl seems like a moment wasted to me. When I talk to her it feels so great! Not sure how one person has become such a huge factor of my life in so little time, and how they seem to command so much even in absentia, but when I talk to her, laugh with her, argue with her, life seems so complete. Not sure why I am feeling what I am feeling though I know there are many who would give up a lot to be in my position in both life and career wise.

Not sure about anything anymore .... other than the fact that I really miss my Swathy :(